Basics on lubes and toy materials [Gay on Tuesdays]

Let’s talk lubes and toy materials

My goal in every way whenever I talk about sex is to ensure it, in whatever manner is done safely!!! I know we would all like to believe companies in the sex industry are looking out for us, but realistically there are not as many providing as safe of a product as you think. Let’s covers some basic safety tips for us consumers. There are no safety legislations or official standards set in place in the sex industry which can leave a consumer vulnerable.


Somehow down the road, lubricant was marked with a scarlet “A”, “A” for aging. So many women I speak to are under the impression that using any kind of lubricant shows they themselves cannot lubricate. Just because you could not get wet for some person, does not mean you are broken or matronly. Lube is just that fun boost to help you get started or even maintain!

Different types of lube offer different benefits or have specific “donts”

Silicone lube: A silicone lubricant is silicone based, meaning that silicone is kind of the star here. Seeing as silicone molecules are larger than water molecules this generates a longer lasting lubrication. Typically silicone has an association with anal play use, but ultimately you can use it how your please. The major need to know about silicone lubricant is it can corrode silicone toys, and minority it can stain sheets do to the oil like remains.

Water based lube: Water based lubricants utilize a more natural property, water. As a result, the lubrication is not as lasting as silicone lube but can still do the tricks, especially when one is incorporating toys.

Hybrid lubricant: Hybrid lubricant is as one could expect, a coupling of the above choices. Hybrid lubricant offers a lasting lubrication but without the “thickness” of a silicone lubricant, allowing for the user to experience a more “natural” or similar to their or their partners lubrication. However, I still would not recommend using hybrid with silicone toys because it contains silicone.

So what should one avoid:

Parabens: Sound familiar? Shampoo commercials and assorted beauty ads advertising “Now paraben free”, so what does that have to do with your lube? Well remember safety is not always a priority of companies or distributors and a paraben is a preservative. Avoid anything with the last name “paraben”; propylparaben, methylparaben, etc. In theory a preservative is a good idea, however these chemicals are damaging to the sensitive lining of the vagina and skin, as a result microtears and other awful affects could ensue.

Glycerine or Glycerol: Glycerine, another highly consumed product that does not translate well to sexual use. Glycerine, is a sugar substance and kind of preservative; when interacting with mucus membrane it can cause yeast infections and can damage cell membranes so another to avoid.

Propylene Glycol: Propylene Glycol is a solvent that is in several products you probably would not want to use on your naughty bits, such as; anti-freeze, brake fluid, and so on. This can cause chemical burning or again yeast infections.

Polyethylene Glycol: Polyethylene Glycol or PEG strips cells of their natural moisture so it’s counter productive. Additionally, it can cause irritation and has some links to being carcinogenic.

Oil: I know everyone likes to believe olive oil and coconut oil is safe but it’s NOT! The oil molecules coat the mucus tracts which does not allow for these self cleaning areas to clean themselves and flush harmful bacteria. This can be used exteriorly but for that sensitive mucus tissue do not introduce it to something it cannot break down.

Benzocaine: Benzocaine is used in products like “Good Head” or “Anal-Eze”, this is a numbing agent that can cause someone to harm themselves or others. Damaging cells or bruising tissue. If done correctly these acts should not be painful, unless you want them to be, so numbing yourself is a temporary fix for a later problem. Utilize the above mentioned silicone lube for anal play and different positions for more successful “deep throating”.

Toy Material

So toy material is another topic we have to discuss, because like lubes this is not always consumer friendly.

Medical grade silicone is becoming the standard now, thankfully. Now these soft jelly like materials that you may see in your local sex shop are and should be avoided. Get with the times, you really should invest in a toy, but even if you are not willing, with this growing knowledge and demand companies are starting to listen. *all of my toys I have reviewed are medical grade silicone*

Silicone toys are pretty common however, they are not the same as the medical grade counterparts. The difference is the medical standard is non-porous meaning any type of fluids are not absorbed. I’m sure we do not think too hard about the “pores” of our toys but it’s vital to acknowledge that simply cleaning a toy will not truly clean the toy. If your toy is absorbing any fluids it’s something you will come back in contact with later which can cause bacterial infections, pH imbalances, and loads of other unpleasantries. So does this mean all your toys have to be medical grade silicone?

No, thankfully there are many alternatives allowing you to explore different temperatures, textures, sensations, weight, and whatnot. A cheaper and more common alternative is ABS Plastic, which is that typical solid bullet vibrato that everyone seems to start out with! However, if you are over the basics you can give steela try! Sounds intense, but it really is an equally priced option that offers you more temperature play. You can freeze it or heat it up in some hot water, all of which I highly recommend. Beyond that steel offers its user a weight fulfillment making a toy more “present” with your body.

A similar material is glass, glass offers you temperature play, silicone lube, a heavier product, but it can offer unique texture; ridges, bumps, studs, and even some unique shapes. Beyond that these glass toys are works of art, and a subtle way to “hide” your favorite toy. Now, many people are nervous with the idea of playing with glass, but if you are buying from valid dealers you will be provided with a safe product. This goes back into investing in your toys!!

An even more interesting option is wood or crystal, these wooden toys are finished so do not worry about splinters. You just need to ensure your shopping where the finish on the wood is body safe, and not full of chemicals that could be very harmful to you. As for lubricant I am not sure how it partners with silicone lube, so I would stick to the universal water based lube and play it safe. Crystals, I personally own a small rose quartz crystal, and when I bought it I did not believe in all the nerdy properties talk I was reading about. I WAS WRONG, some back story I consider myself a spiritual person but I never have gotten into crystals or any of that. When I received my Chakrub I was just thinking about a heavier weight to strengthen my pelvic floor muscles. I synced it with my body, and I do notice that my body responds better when I use it. This could totally be placebo thing but I stand by it. Crystals are similar to glass or steel in that they are this sleek material that wants to your body, or the presence of the object is magnified because of the weight

The only real downside I have with all of these alternatives is that you lose out on the vibrations however I encourage exploration, so if it piques your interest I’d give it a shot! Just be a smart consumer and only shop for the best for you and all involved.

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