My beginning with lingerie
(Taken when I was freshly 18)
Lingerie and I have had a long-term on and off relationship; when I was young all I wanted was hot pink corsets with black lace to parade around in. My first boyfriend and I really built our relationship around lingerie and role play; this was at 15! We would sneak into dressing rooms together in multiple stores throughout the local mall where my partner would watch me get dressed in whatever outfit. In the beginning, it was not even about teasing or kinks, we were too young to really realize what we were doing. At that time in my sexual life, it was all about lust and physical feelings; every escapade ended in super hot make-out sessions and weekly underwear purchases. Lingerie was just my precursor to sex, I knew if I put on some kind of outfit it meant I would receive sex from my partner; which is always my goal.
By the time I got older and into the random hook up stage in my life lingerie fell off the wagon, but because half the time I was having sex with some loser I pulled from a party only to never be seen again. I did participate in burlesque in college but as I began to gain weight I always felt like I looked awful. That corsets and thongs only accentuated my rolls and chub, so I was better off naked and in my rawest form. On the other hand, I was a broke college student, whatever money did not go to bills went straight to alcohol or other dumb shit. I began to keep this mindset of ‘I am better off naked, why waste my time spending money for two seconds’. Which I shared with others in my life at that time, and I know this is a common thought amongst my peers. It was not until I rekindled this relationship with lingerie that my lack of interest was actually a lack of interest in my own skin, rather than “frivolous purchases”.
Once I began losing weight and met my now ex that I started to recognize the pleasure I was deriving from lingerie. My then partner and I got on like a house on fucking fire, and I mean that in EVERY SINGLE RESPECT. We pushed each other to new sexual spaces and fantasies; I mean it was insane. With my “new” body and partner, we began exploring each other’s fantasies and having a lot of discussion around our desires. This opened me up to a lot of desires I did not know I even had and my partner shared this self-discovery lust, this led us down the rabbit hole hand and hand. This lead to moments of true conscious, and connected sexual activity, which was and still is a new concept for me.
By this point, I was ready to start exploring new levels of confidence within myself, not just the outfit or storyline. I would put on a sexy number and just take long looks at myself in the mirror or have this desire to take photos; which is totally against my norm. It was then started to really take note of the empowerment lingerie has given me, it kind of helped me ward of slut-shaming and things of that nature. I was playing with myself just like anyone else does and why would I let someone punish me for exploration and growth?
I never thought a onesie would trigger such a revolution in my life, but it really radicalized my life. Lingerie began as my crutch to reach different forms of myself, but at this point, I would say I now use lingerie as a tool to sand my edges. By that I mean, I use it for myself, and to make my day brighter whether it is playing music and dancing around my house in it. Even wearing something sexy under my clothes when I go out to boost my mindset for the night. I feel like when I put on something I feel sexy on I slither into my clothes and my eyes look more sultry like I become that sex symbol I idealize in my mind. Currently, I am the aggressor in my sexual situations, that is until I hit the bedroom… When I pick someone up in a bar it is HIGHLY direct and aggressive. I have even made my friends who are porn stars and do those kiss challenges with strangers on YouTube blush. So this is what I mean when I discuss the smoothing of my rough edges sexually; these parts of me soften to some level and my interactions take on a more seductive aura.
Especially with Gay on Tuesdays I learn more and more about myself and wanted to break up the constant stream of reviews. So I figured I would share this nugget of growth, along with some of my photos throughout the years. Maybe this will trigger someone to think twice about an outfit or remember a forgotten path on their sexual adventures. Lingerie is a partnership, but I do not believe that it has to be one with another person. Rather a partnership and promise to yourself, to really take that moment and focus on you, and what is making you smile. Whether you wear something sexy to empower you physically, mentally, or beyond; sometimes I put on lingerie and just lay in bed with fantasies about the past or future. I take notice in the changes within myself, I even arch my back a little deeper or moan more often, because when I have my lingerie I have created my mental safe space to be more playful and less about looks or orgasm.
I challenge my readers of any kind because I love seeing my penis having partners in fancy underwear too, to buy ONE thing for themselves. If you want to do more, go for it, but one thing whether that be some fancy panties, a push-up bra, a totally sheer lace dress, thigh highs, or a mask! I do not care, but take that time and do not forget to spoil yourself. There is no guilt in owning your beauty or using tools to achieve that empowerment! If you do follow through on this, PLEASE share with me! Send me private emails, photos, or messages if you would like, I am here for you!